Paradoxical Paradigm
by 002219
Summary: At the end of the Fourth Holy Grail War, Kiritsugu Emiya and the Grail talk about Ships.


Paradoxical Paradigm

Fate/Zero Fanfiction.

* * *

"If that is the case…" Kiritsugu paused, hesitating. "Then how will the Holy Grail grant my wish?"

Irisviel smiled, and turned to face him. "That, Kiritsugu… is something you should know better than anyone else."

He paused, unsure, and the fist that held his gun tightened. "What?"

"You learned how to save the Shipping world a long time ago." 'Iri' says, leaning into Kiritsugu's chest. "That's why I'll do the same. To grant your wish."

"What do you mean?" he asked, not understanding in the slightest. She giggled, and touched his face.

"I guess it can't be helped," she sighs theatrically. "To discover your purpose, you'll have to ask your own internal self."

* * *

The windows brought sunlight into the neat room, its brown walls smooth and dark. The curtains hung to the sides, covering nothing more but the barest minimum of the rays of sunlight that entered, highlighting the form of Kiritsugu Emiya.

"_There are three hundred fans who support one Ship," _a raspy voice said, crackling into life from the radio on the table. _"Two hundred support an opposing Ship."_

"What?" Kiritsugu asked, his face twisting into horror as he looked into a monitor depicting two Ships in a forum, locked in a Flame War; a Ship-to-Ship Combat, to be precise.

"_Five hundred fans total, and Kiritsugu Emiya. Let's assume it is a fact that these five hundred took on a Die for Our Ship approach." _The voice did not let up, showing the screaming fans throwing rocks, plastic bottles, and shoes at each other.

"_Kiritsugu Emiya is the only administrator for this forum. Now, tell me: which Ship will you calm first with your power as leader?"_

"Obviously, the one with three hundred people."

"_Correct. And then, after you made this decision, the two hundred-strong Ship rebelled, and tried to take down the discussion. What do you do?"_

"I'll…"

Without wanting to, Kiritsugu's hand moved to the mouse, and hit the dreaded ban button.

_Click._

_'NOOOOOOOOOO! you fag! you monstr! why do you sink our ship? we'll get yo for this treachery, fagmobile! RAWRRRR!'_

_Click._

_Click._

_Click._

_Click._

* * *

…

* * *

Kiritsugu gasped, mortified at what he had just done.

"_Well done. Now, say that the remaining three hundred discovered a new pairing and split into two Ships, one hundred fans in one Ship and two hundred in another. Again, a Flame War erupted. Which side will you calm first?"_

"Stop it, I-"

Again, his hand moved. This time, it typed through the keyboard, sending an administrator's message to the forum. Suddenly, a troll made itself known, and before Kiritsugu could discover what is going on, the one hundred had turned against him.

Again, he clicked the dreaded button.

Click.

Click.

_ClickClickClickClickClickcli ckclickclickclickclick-_

* * *

"_So there you have it. You have made every choice correctly."_

"How is it supposed to be the correct choice?" he snarled, lying down dejectedly on the sandy beach. "Two hundred fans reached their One True Pairing, but three hundred were banned to ensure it!"

"_You chose what was best at the time, to ensure that the greater number will be saved. That is your logic, the logic of Kiritsugu Emiya."_

"Is that all that you wanted to show me? How _broken_ I am?"

"_Of course not. I intended to show you how your wish will be granted. Do you not realize it? You are the one truly worthy of the Grail."_

"But that's wrong! I sought the Grail _because _my wish was impossible! If you use the same twisted logic I used, then what difference would there be that separates it from what I've been doing all this time? That is not a miracle!"

"_Untrue. The power to apply that method on the entire Internet, without fail, ensuring that no more Flame Wars will erupt ever again… What can you call that power, but that which is the product of a miracle? Now, for the final choice."_

* * *

A dark basement. Two computer screens, each showing two people; people he knew.

"_There are two Ships. Your wife and child supports one, and your assistant gives her support to the other."_

Irisviel and Ilyasviel von Einzbern was portrayed on one screen, and there was an Internet page reading, "Fate/ Stay Night Pairing: Shirou/ Ilya".

Maiya Hisau was portrayed on another, and there was an Internet page reading, "Fate/ Zero Pairing: Maiya/ Kiritsugu".

Kiritsugu felt disturbed. Very, very disturbed. But he held on, and his hand shakily reached out to one of the mouses.

"_Which Ship will you support?"_

The one with two people backing it up, he thought, and sunk Maiya's Ship.

The look of utter horror in her face was all he could see before everything turned white again.

* * *

"Now, all you need is to give your approval."

Irisviel smiled kindly at her husband, lying down on a spotless white bed. Ilyasviel jumped down form her mother's lap and ran up to Kiritsugu, jumping into his arms.

"Yeah! We can be together again, dad!" She beamed at him, her smile radiant and so full of joy it actually seemed real.

Kiritsugu looked out the window. "I can't read you fanfiction for bedtime stories anymore…" he whispered, sounding distant.

Ilya shook her head. "It doesn't matter! I can write another Shirou/ Me pairing! We can all be together, forever and ever! Even if you can't read to me anymore, I'll still love you!"

He smiled.

"Yeah. Daddy loves you too, Ilya."

A mouse was clenched in his hands.

"?"

_Click._

The girl was deleted.

"Ilya!" Irisviel shouted in alarm. "Ilya, Ilya, Ilya! What have you done, my love?! What did you do to our girl?"

Kiritsugu said nothing, and 'Irisviel' grabbed his arms.

"You… you…" Her mouth curled into a sneer, and she growled. His arms shot out to grab her neck, and she choked in surprise. "You…"

"I, Kiritsugu Emiya…"

"You will die for this…"

"…as Master of Saber…"

"…die slowly, painfully, in agony…"

"…reject the Grail…"

"…I shall curse you until the day your account expires!"

"…and I will save the Shipping world."

Crack. Her neck was snapped, as easily as a twig.

* * *

…

…

Ten years later.

…

…

* * *

A red-haired boy stood in the temple grounds. His breath was calm, and his steps were light.

"Yes, that's right. I don't support any one ship. I create a world of infinite Ships."

His enemy scowled, and he continued.

"That is the only Shipping allowed for me;

I am the base of my Ship.

Forums are my body, and arguments are my blood.

I have shipped, over a thousand times,

Not once had I retreated my trolling,

Nor once, had my Crack Pairings been understood.

So I stand, here on the tabs of Mozilla Firefox.

Awaiting my One True Pairing's canonization, I have no regrets.

This is my one and only purpose.

My entire life is as thus:

Unlimited Shipping Works!"

Digital codes floated from the ground, enveloping the two combatants in a boundless, meaningless dome. And the fires of the Flame Wars circled around them, creating a battlefield that which cannot be interrupted.

The enemy looked around, disgusted at the Reality that was before him. "This…" he muttered, his sentence unfinished.

"Don't be surprised. It is as you say: these are all trifling Ships. But there is no rule that prohibits a faker from surpassing the original.

Here I come, King of Fandoms. Do you have enough n00bs in your disposal?"

* * *

...

...

* * *

_When I was a child, I wanted to be an administrator._

* * *

_..._

_..._

* * *

_Rejoice, Emiya Shirou. For your OTP shall be granted._

* * *

(Author's Notes):

...

I... don't really have an excuse for this. I guess... I got bored? I'm not sure how good the story was, honestly. I'd like some feedback, if it's not asking too much.

Thanks for reading, by the way.


End file.
